I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
