why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
