I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
In other news, I just burned my penis
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Randomize
