Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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