I just saw a hot homeless man
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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