your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Are my feet made of real feet?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize