please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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