Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
