Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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