I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
