He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize