separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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