All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
