even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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