Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
