oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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