the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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