OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Randomize
