Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
