dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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