I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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