I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
