For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
