Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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