Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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