I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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