Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
