Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
