it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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