I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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