She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
