Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
i've created a new STD.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
