also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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