I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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