i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
