Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
