I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
