hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
You ruined the universe
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
