she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
