I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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