Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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