It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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