I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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