i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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