Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
