Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Michael Bay diarrhea
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
