By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
