I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
