It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Randomize
