Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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