is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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