you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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