His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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