dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize