I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
