I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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