Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
people are starting to question the shark bite story
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
false alarm, still single
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