Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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