hell yes lets make some ravioli
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
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