even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
a search helicopter?!
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
