update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
