I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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