Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
