And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
whose ass print is on the piano?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
