We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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