Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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