So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
