I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Randomize
