thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
