omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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