The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
