can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
